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Layers of evil in my mind -may 14th 2005

Angel Like Beings ™ (ALB) Tools & Gifts

The Dream was odd, as I sat before a full length antique gold mirror, on a straight back chair and a table to my right with a single white candle glowing.

The darkness in the room felt like a warm velvet cocoon and I was dressed in a white robe with a golden sash, My hair was down and that really bothered me.

I did not want to be there, I did not want to look within the inky dark depths of this mirror. I did not want to see myself there. But like a puppet my head lifted and I looked at the images that danced before me. Each layer pulling me deeper and deeper into my shame, my hurt, my undoing.

I saw not just myself in the physical sense I saw all that was ever said to me. The words I believed but would tell no one, the truths I felt in my heart.

I saw the ungrateful child, the arrogant child, the spoiled child I saw the ugly child, the unlovable one, the one who would never do anything right the one who was a loser forever.

I saw that nothing I had to offer was good enough, that I would never be good enough, I saw the hateful girl, the manipulator, the greedy girl, the one who hurt for fun. I saw the evil girl, the ego ridden one, the too good to work girl. I saw the evil monster with my name on it that gleaned an evil path of hurt and destruction wherever she went. Tears fell from me in a constant stream as each new look within twisted my soul more and more

I was horrified that all these thoughts these words said to me over and over were true. I had heard it in my heart, as my own Mother had said them over and over, as she beat me for every infraction I did. My living was an infraction and from there on I got at least one beating a day. My Father had not loved me enough to even want to stay with me. His priorities never included the awful little thing called his daughter. Now as a grown woman I thought these things at rest in my mind, but here they were in this mirror before me. With each action I did, each word spoken each sin twisting me even more grotesquely and showing me the true monster I was. There was no beauty at all before me and I knew I was the single most lonely unlovable creature in the world. That one such as I had caused so much pain to so very many and deserved to die.

All I had ever wanted was to be loved, to be cared for, to have someone say I counted. But it was not meant to be how could the world ever love one such as I. I was the evil that spoiled the earth, the dirt that needed scrubbed away. The poison that would kill with just a touch and I must do this one right thing in my life I must die!

To my right I saw them appear on the table, a gun, a knife, the keys to a car, a syringe and a pill bottle with a glass of water. In my left ear I heard a shadow say "come to me, come to me …You have belonged to me for years ..come I will raise you up, I will care for you. I will take you as you are." It hissed over and over as it touched my shoulder and I shuddered at its touch and smell. I couldn’t think, I wanted to die.

Well not really die I just wanted it all to end. I wanted to stop the pictures, the ugliness, the pain and shame of seeing it all over and over. I wanted to stop hurting others, I wanted to be a success and not a loser and I wanted to forget the pain of my everyday life. I wiped the tears and reached for the pills and the water.

A light of White and Blue flared behind my right shoulder and a hand reached for mine. It stopped my hand in mid grab and it held me tightly. I felt a warmth rush over me and my head began to clear, my thoughts began to step out of the hurt. Long hair tickled my cheek as I felt the flutter of a kiss on my wet tear stained cheek. I looked back and there He stood!

My Angel, and around him was a glow of iridescent white, blue light and he smiled at me. I did not shudder at his look and his scent enfolded me. His hand held mine, softly but firmly and he stood beside me without a word.

He looked at the mirror and I begged for him not to look there. I couldn’t risk his seeing my true self that resided within that piece of glass. Yet he softly turned my head and whispered in my ear. "Look with me."

Tears I could not stop rushed once more and in my anguish and shame I looked. Yet I did not see what I had seem before. The scenes had changed, and I saw a small child in the midst's of a sea of chaos. A mother who was hurting and mentally ill, left to fight everyday life with only a daughter at her side.

I saw a child trying to find her way, trying to do good and right even in insurmountable odds. I saw a little girl looking to be loved even as she lied once more to the doctors on how the sprain had happened. I saw her lie to her teachers on why she needed crutches for the 2nd week the month. I saw her try to please no matter what, I saw her fight for others in pain.

I saw her grow and keep fighting and trying to do what was right. I saw her us her gifts for good. I saw her even in her loss of self never lose her sense of what was right and wrong and never inflict hurt to another on purpose, no matter what. I saw her alone, always alone but never without faith that this was how the Creator wished it and how she must play it all out.

I saw that she was not a physical beauty to many but within her was a beauty that poured over beyond words. I saw she was not evil as she had been told again and again. I saw she was not alone as she had been told over and over. I saw she was a loving, caring being that could help change the world by her actions and her desires and I saw this is why the darkness so wanted her.

I saw that these past few months darkness had made several plays for her and I saw that she did not need to be lifted above as it had offered, for she was above, she only needed to stand. That she didn’t need to worry about being loved just as she was for that had been there all along too. That in each scene in her life she was not alone, this same angel stood beside her and kept her as safe as possible as the lesson played out. Never, no never. Not even in the very darkest incident was she ever alone and unwanted and unlovable.

Never was she a loser because of who she was. Never was what she had to offer not enough, nor did she ever just poison another by her living and breathing.

She was blessed all those days to gather the wisdom that comes from pain, she was blessed by the gifts she has and the wisdom of rejection by the very ones that bore her yet used her as a trophy doll, a back up plan for old age.

I am all that I am and I deserve to live for my life will help another and another and my lessons will allow me to reach out to all around me.

With that my angel took my arm and together we stood up and I turned over the table of death. I stood before the mirror and I glowed, a glow of humility and of ethics, of honor and of blessed being. I shined a gentle radiance into the room and the mirror twisted and turned and finally burst.

Light filled the room and once more shadows scurried to the sides.

"How did it all change so much?" I asked the Angel. "How could I see it one way so badly and then completely another way." The angel stood beside me towering over me with such loving presence I was almost overwhelmed.

"You saw it as they wished, the truth can be an elusive thing. Twisted here and there with just enough added to prey on the fears and insecurities within. Yet when you see it through the eyes of another, my eyes, you see it without illusions and without deceptions. The truth shall set you free. If you are encumbered or imprisoned then that is not the truth! For the truth is a wonderful thing for all, not just for a few. Truth exists in beauty and in love, it rings without doubt in the hearts and in the souls of each person. Not to be shared in darkness and in shadows. All the days of your life I shall offer you the truth for you have asked for it again and again and the Lady And Lord have heard your request. It will make you a target of the darkness for you do damage to the cause it promotes but but I am here beside you and if ever you doubt look into my eyes and there in resides the truth."

And so the dream ended and so my wisdom gains more to share. When in doubt look into the eyes of the Angel Like Beings and see there the truth. For the truth is loving and caring and shall set you free of all fears, worries and insecurities and it shall be true with in your very heart. Or dear one use my eyes to see you for I to shall shine the truth to you and you will see the beauty each one of you contains inside. You are a magnificent creation and you deserve to Be just because you are here, you are not alone, you are loved and there is beauty in your very soul. Reach out with the wisdom each of us is born with and help another walk in the Light.

Blessings,

May You Always Walk Within The Light

Lady Wolfen Mists

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